you're sorry? ok, now what?

Ever notice how a couple fight over something as simple as a glass of water? Or how the woman just fumes when the husband mentions a very common word? You see, it’s not the glass of water, it’s not the word, it’s not even the husband…it’s that hurt triggered to surface, transforming into anger.
The hurt is buried deeper than it should– making one bleed even more when one tries to get it out.  Because when the wound was fresh, you try to cover it too much with pleasing words, you try to dismiss it — and you pretend it didn’t happen — even before it has gotten the satisfaction it needs in a certain discussion.  
I can feel the steaming heat of a certain supressed anger just as if it is my own in certain people.  I’ve always had this keen sense of character and feeling.don’t ask me, i just do.
but when I get hurt, my sensitivity to other people’s aura becomes numb. 
It becomes a sensitivity to myself…where everything I think and feel is geared towards thinking why this certain person has managed to hurt me.
so, the word sorry, when said, when one is hurt, doesn’t really mean anything…
it’s like poking someone with a knife to know if they’d bleed– they didn’t –but they are dying because of it…
believe me, the knife you thrusted hurt — and when you pull it back..it will even hurt more — probably resulting to death…
so yeah — you can always get a doctor to save the person — but you see, you already knifed her– she may live, but she will always look at you as someone who tried to kill her.
i mean, — well here’s another scenario — 
your bestfriend becomes a murderer.
She tries to kill you. you live.
Will you still call her and update her that you are home from the hospital and it’s chika time? NOOO… 
but she is your bestfriend!!! of many years?! the answer would be NOOOO — she tried to killed you remember?. 
But she’s THE BESTFRIEND — well – duh.
if u think otherwise…there is something seriously wrong with u.
am i making sense? yes? good.  — no? better, it means you’re getting smarter.
Anyways, There is this one forum that discussed about saying sorry – if its a big deal or not…


my first post was this:

saying sorry doesnt change anything.

it cannot erase the past.
it cannot heal the hurting.
it’s just a word losers use just so they could sleep better at night after what they’ve done. 

then someone pm’d me, saying that yes, sorry cannot heal the hurt, change the past, and it will not change anything — and maybe that’s becuase sorry is not really about it at all? 

**my thoughts –– well, what then is saying sorry about? aren’t you saying sorry because you’ve hurt the other and is trying to mend her broken heart and gain her trust again?

then he added –  that maybe its about this — whenever he says sorry, it’s because he regrets eveyrthing he’s done —

*my thoughts — well, maybe you should then say sorry to YOURSELF? since the sorry is actually about you and what you’ve done and how you feel about it now that you’ve hurt someone… (?)
he adds – that it hurts him too whenever he says sorry…

**my thoughts — (what the frick…)

(*sigh) i don’t know the guy and he was nice as hell in his message – but I so want to strangle his horns and slap his face and say – 

halllllerrrrr??!!!!

you’re hurting?! just what do you think the other person feels then when it’s actually THEM who felt the blow of YOUR STUPIDITY?
but i didnt –aside from the fact that it was just a message and I dont really know him and so i cannot gauge his horn if its something i can grab on to….whenever the situation to de-bull him arises — he doesn’t really deserve it hehehe.

he is just someone nice, passing by, cared enough to pitch in his thoughts, means well…it just happened that he messaged the wrong person — because the biatch who received it feels strongly about the subject **Evil Laugh. 

but here comes the bomb line of his message – Was I just being a jerk who’s trying to clear myselft of guilt?

so of cource the biatch has to reply :
... to be in a situation is a choice..you’ve chosen to hurt — and yes, saying sorry hurts too. that then makes you think — maybe you are not the person that you once think you are. 

yes, nobody is perfect, but in a relationship, the only acceptable sorry is when you’ve hurt the other person because u loved her too much….  

saying sorry about going astray in a relationship is bull…because it takes time to know other people… to like them…it is a process..a slow, intricate one…a process you could have stopped anytime but havent…but you can always say sorry — but she doesnt always have to accept it, just as you’ve had the choice of stopping urself but didn’t until someone got hurt.  

so, were you being a jerk? you tell me.
ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

6 Responses

  1. Retro Manila April 12, 2009 / 6:47 am

    Yo,

    When are you gonna be here?

    The shoot’s gonna be in Manila. No exact date yet. :)

    You have YM?

    picasso_sellout

  2. . : DRAGORO : . April 12, 2009 / 8:34 am

    Can’t muster the patience to count how many “hurts” are there in here.. personally, one cannot move up the ladder without letting go of each rung. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to get back to where you previously had your hand on, it just means in order for me to move forward I just have to let go of the last one. Figuratively speaking, letting go necessitates forgiveness. Everyone is guilty of hurting someone else in varying depths, whether willingly or not.

    Such anger inside those words, drowned with such passion. Be well :)

  3. 13th witch April 12, 2009 / 3:52 pm

    @dragoro – true – in some cases forgiveness is a necessity — but in cases as such – indifference would be a better response.

  4. 13th witch April 12, 2009 / 3:53 pm

    should be there on the 21st — will add u in ym ^.^

  5. Kuroro Ruciful April 14, 2009 / 3:04 pm

    saying sorry is not about clearing yourself of any guilt nor is it about being able to sleep soundly at night after what the “guilty” party has done.

    i think saying sorry is an act that needs a tremendous amount of courage to do. It means owning up to your mistakes and accepting whatever the consequences are. It is an act that require a person to trample on their own pride.

    it is true that the receiving end is not mandated to respond with forgiveness once an apology has been made. It is however, at least for me, required for you to acknowledge that the person who has hurt you already apologized. After all, what happened, happened because of a reason and that reason could be you or something that you did/didn’t do.

    Just like this scenario:
    your bestfriend becomes a murderer.
    She tries to kill you. you live.

    Will you still call her and update her that you are home from the hospital and it’s chika time? NOOO…

    but she is your bestfriend!!! of many years?! the answer would be NOOOO — she tried to killed you remember?.

    But she’s THE BESTFRIEND — well – duh.

    if u think otherwise…there is something seriously wrong with u.
    Well have you ever thought why your best friend wanted to murder you? Maybe you did/didn’t do something prompted your best friend to kill you.

    If this is the case, why should the best friend be the only one apologizing? When in the first place it was you or something you did that made your best friend want to kill you.

    i’m not saying to instantly forgive someone once he/she has already apologized. i’m merely suggesting that you acknowledge the act since saying sorry (a genuine one) is not that easy to do.

  6. 13thWiTCH April 15, 2009 / 12:51 am

    @kuroro ruciful

    for all i know my bestfriend could have killed me a million times in her head ^.^

    sorry may mean a lot of things to a lot of people. but sorry may be as meaningless as that stagnant water to the next person beside you.

    the way we view apology may vary and may be contextual — and so is our perspective when its given… the stagnant water may not be useful to me — but it certainly does hold meaning for you ^.^

    and it takes every ounce of courage to do things we find difficult. sure. sorry is difficult as hell – but difficulty is not only the level of category involved… and so it all goes back to choices… and when you view it that way – you’d get to ask yourself – why the act in the first place? apology comes only after an act, intentional or unintentional… you then gauge your level of understanding by asking yourself certain questions such as– was it because of me? was it all her doing? was I to blame? and so on and so forth…

    and you will see, it is not as easy as you think it — that that apology may be rooted to something bigger and complicated that makes the act a mockery of something you deem special. That forgiving isn’t really a necessity to move on. That closure may only be a product of our social culture… or maybe not… maybe that apology is your lifeline to a better future ^.^

    it still goes back you. Your choice. Your act. Your ability to open yourself once again to a reality that once held you hostage in your most vulnerable stage. your ability to survive knowing things have already changed.

    but as for me, i chose to not put myself open to that bullet that once got me…maybe you are stronger to catch the second one coming my way.

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