Have you ever felt the walls are closing in on you?
and that the air has become thicker with the all their thoughts of you that you feel like throwing up?
That’s what I felt these past few weeks…
I’m just tired. Plain tired of having to pay with my everything just becuase they’ve decided to hand everything to me in a silver platter…something I am grateful and ungrateful for…
so when an opportunity to run presented itself, I ran..and ran away so fast I was dizzy for a moment.
Now I’m in a strange place with few familiar faces to call on to…but I will let go of that too — then I’ll start anew.
where nobody knows me.
nobody knows about who I am.
Nobody knows what I can do. –where I am but a face in the crowd and a stranger on the street. Where nobody can disturb my peace amidst the noisy crowded places I’ve sulked myself in. Where I can sigh in peace and where nobody is breathing on my neck.
I have lived a full life, yes. They have made sure of that…
but this time… regardless of the mud and muck, the darkness and uncertainty –I’m gonna live my life– not becuase they said so — but becuase I chose to.
In my own space. Own time. Own pace.
Note to myself — you have less than five days to linger in oblivion—come back before the 10th — you have a scheduled shoot to do.