So maybe I am feeling nostalgic today.
I woke up to a foggy day. Something to do with things being white and blurry that makes you recede back in your thoughts. The mind is a dangerous place to explore on your own…It’s how people commit suicides without them meaning to –it’s as if they just got carried away only to find that they either come back limping for the rest or their lives of they give their earthly space for the living. The earth is suffering from overpopulation too, they might as well do the right thing and fade away.
Not that I feel like taking my own life. I care (well not enough anyway) neither for the growing population nor climate change, I am hanging on to dear life. I am selfish like that. And yes, I silently cuss and mutely ask for death when I walk on the effin cobblestones they have here in Lacoste but so does everybody. If God was so obliging, he could have gotten rid of us, but pathological shallowness does not count as a reason to obliterate.
And so I limp my day back and forth, safely, sometimes listening to careless conversations from somebody else’s window, sometimes getting awed at the fanstastic view I wake up to everyday. But me and my little bed, we have a relationship. We do everything together. I have this romantic craving to curl in it if I am not doing anything. I don’t sleep. I just lounge, sometimes with a book or with anything I can use as an excuse to be in it.
My close friends hate this. They have a gnawing urge to go out sometimes while I am content to be in that little warm corner pretending to not pay attention to them even though I am watching them fidget. Sometimes, their eyes would twitch. It’s funny, how they try to find the words to tell me that they want to go out–and could we possibly go and meet people outside the characters of the book I am holding? They also tend to pace, like a caged animal or a theater actress nervous to be on stage. If I am feeling nice, I’d laugh and tell them we’d get ice cream, then we end up doing whatever it is they want to do. They would gravitate towards watching a movie or dinner, sometimes, they aimlessly walk around the mall…and the Philippine malls are effin huge. They make you go around in circles as well. They convince you to pay for things you think you need. Then you go home, look at your purchases and figured that only one or two makes sense. The rest are nothing but beautiful packages.
I know, I know, I should be writing about Lacoste and my experiences here. Well nothing much is happening, I think. Not much to me anyway. I think there were three girls from school who flew back to the States because their boyfriends got insecure and left them because they were in France??? And so they went back to America to soothe their partner’s nervous egos…I’m sure I am making it sound bad, I don’t know. Maybe they got homesick and found the thick walls and cobblestones oppressive. Maybe they found the medieval plumbing disgusting and the lack of people disconcerting. Maybe they got scared of the loud silence (oh this one, I’m not making up!– I would have to turn on my fan just to hear it whirrr otherwise the lack of noise is deafening). No matter what their reason for leaving, they left early enough before anybody could scrutinize them properly. Nobody will ever know now if they snore in their sleep or not.
Oh but the Lacoste off-campus program is deceiving too. It makes you feel like you’re on vacation and then bam! they hit you with assignments enough to cripple you for life. Hookay I am exaggerating. But it kinda feels that way sometimes. One time, I got so stressed with homework that I got back into the habit of unconsciously scratching myself–this time in the head (the last time was my left hand). Well, hookay, that one was my fault. My professor asked for us to submit our project proposal. I thought he meant the long proposal when he just wanted a one page paper stating what we want to do for the quarter. I handed him a 7-page paper that starts with a title page and ends with a bibliography– accomplished in two days of frantic research and panic. As a result, I ended up with a bloody infection that required me to visit the doctor in Bonnieux to which he shoved 4 different kinds of medicine for me to take for a week. Infection is gone and in its place is a round bald spot (but hey I finished my homework –supposed to be due end of quarter *rolls eyes).
Someone save me, I am my own demise.
